Can't Sleep

Here it is almost 11 PM and I can't sleep. I feel anxious. I know it is because today was a tough day. Scratch that, it has been a rough 3 days.

Wednesday night after eating dinner I didn't feel well. I assumed it was because Eric had brought home some Thai food and I had overate a little. Or maybe because I am not used to eating out any more because 95% of my meals are now at home. Soon it was clear I either had the stomach flu or food poisoning. I very quickly became dehydrated and even started to pass out. I worried that nursing a baby and being sick would make me very likely to get dehydrated and it is very common for me to pass out when this happens. Every roommate I have ever had has had to run me to the Emergency Room at time or two because of this. I have managed to go almost 5 years with out getting the stomach flu/passing out/ending up in the ER thing.

When I have ended up in the ER they have always withheld ANY fluids. They wouldn't even give me a sip of water (even after getting sick), until I had not thrown up for an hour or so. I decided I was going to try to do that myself at home. I did not want to take Owen out in a snow storm in the middle of the night. So I curled up in our bed and endured hours of agony. The worst part of the whole thing was that Owen woke up and needed to be nursed, but I just couldn't. :( I tired. I was too weak to sit up and nurse him and my stomach was hurting so bad I couldn't even lay down and hold still to nurse him. Each time I tried I had to have Eric take him and try to give him a bottle and get him back to sleep. Owen cried off and on for 2.5 hours. It was heart breaking. I tried to get up and help me precious baby but I just couldn't. Finally the cramping knots in my stomach started to ease up. But now I was freezing cold. I had on a sweatshirt, sweatpants, a fleece blanket, and a down comforter and could not get warm. I even had Eric turn the heat up 4 degrees higher. I was shaking I was so cold. Eric put my fleece blanket in the dryer for a little bit to warm it and then wrapped it around me and that helped a little but I was still shaking. Then he got the electric blanket put that on me. That finally seemed to help. And I was finally able to sit in a chair and nurse Owen to bed.

I couldn't get out of bed the rest of the night, so I just had Eric bring Owen to me when he would wake up and then take him back to his crib once he nursed back to sleep. The next morning and entire day I felt too weak to hold Owen. I could for a few seconds but I would feel exhausted very quickly. Eric had to go to work for a few meetings but then came home and helped me the rest of the day. Owen and I both were able to take 2 good naps. By that evening I finally felt like I could take a shower and have a little chicken noodle soup. Those 2 things helped a lot. We all went to bed at 7:00 that night. Even though Owen woke every 3 hours, I felt my strength coming back little by little with every stretch of sleep.

That brings us to this morning. Eric was off to work at 6:30 am and then came home at 10:00 pm. It was a long day. I certainly was feeling better, but it was a long day. Owen was "off" all day. None of his usual things made him happy for very long. This could be because he received several shots yesterday at his 4 month appointment. Or perhaps he is teething? Or then you start to wonder if maybe my milk supply was affected by me being sick and dehydrated? Or maybe I should start him on cereal, even though some people tell you not to until 6 months or you will give him food allergies and other people tell you if you don't do it at 4 months he will never learn how to eat and apparently will need to nurse for the rest of his life!

If you have made it this far, you can see that it had been one of those days. So I decided to type it all out and "talk" to someone about my rough day, and hope it makes me feel better to get it all out. Add to it that Eric is pretty much unavailable the rest of the weekend because of work and school and I guess that is why I can't sleep. Which is the last thing I need right now, to not sleep when the baby sleeps, but I have been trying and all I can feel are knots in my stomach again, only this time it isn't the flu, it is anxiety.

I know this too shall pass.